It was hot and humid when we arrived in the Bahamas. Hell, it was humid when we left DC, so whatever. A cab to a hotel and then get a lay of the land.
With all the facts, research and just plain weird shit from earlier, including a wax-boss, we had to be a bit more careful. Just one of those wax bastards was pretty damn tough. So I do the cop-to-cop thing and meet the local constabulary. Officer Oswald, one of only two gents on duty. Oswald is a little older, and we hit it off. I just let on we are looking for some fugitives, the white-collar type that steal bank money and hope to get away with it.
We will skirt around the whole undead, zombie, wax people thing…no sense getting locked up too early.
He reports no recent disappearances but strangely enough, over the last six-months, bodies been missing from local funeral homes. We journey into the way-back machine and he tells me about strange events from the past that happened over a two-week period: several mysterious deaths, fires, explosions at sea causing minor earthquakes, and assassination attempts on a prohibition lady smuggler – all inside of a 10-mile radius of this island. This all coincides with our weird stuff, missing people and burning museums and exploding asylums.
Strangely enough, someone claiming ancestry to original wax museum opened property back up, now it is an interactive museum, Pirates of Nassau. Okay. There is also a new psychiatry hospital, Sandy Lands, built over old site about 20-years later.
So we hit the museum first. It may be a Pirates of the Caribbean knock-off, but the Mouse has nothing to worry about. Mind you, the sole employee, Captain Jake, never breaks character. Call me impressed. Methinks he is a bit of a nutter. At least I win a plastic eye-patch.
From there we head over to the nutter-barn. It may be late and bad form to look for evil things after sunset but at this point…who cares. We get in and meet the kooky man in charge. After some miss-communication on our part, Guy brings the guy around to helping us. Shrink to shrink I guess. We get access to all the records that still exist. Boxes and boxes of files and reports. Cool. Old-school – I like it.
Let’s see, yep, good chunk of our suspects were here and then later released under murky circumstances. John and Gertrude visited often as well. Well, we have officially tied most things together. Still have no bloody idea what is going on, but we know something is going on.
Which leads us to the old basement, only thing left from the crazy days. Been sealed shut, even the crazy people don’t like to get near it. Which means we are going down there of course. So we break down the sealed door and Guy casts an Elder Seal right at entrance. Means nothing bad can get out. And if we run like hell and get past it, we get out and don’t die. Sounds like the start of an actual plan, who knows, maybe we are learning something.
So down we go. Dirt floors, stacks and stacks of boxes, piles of records, strange mad-scientist brain in a jar-thing and a big mound of dirt. Okay, nothing hinky down here. We get some good Intel from the files and a brain in jar with wires attached. Crazy doc topside might want to look at it. In the dirt pile I find an old, battered and beaten journal written in some sort of cipher. Oh, some dead doctors too. Like 5 old doctor corpses who like they are from back in the day. Kind of burnt looking too.
Of course they are zombies, hello, look what has happened to us so far? Hello? So yeah, they rise, we fight. Charlie gets the obligatory decapitate zombie with an axe and I get the called shot to the head and destroy zombie. 2 down, three to go, piece of cake…not. Crap on a stick but these damn zombies have telekinetic powers. I find this out when eyes glow red and damn TK punch damn near takes me out. I can feel ribs breaking and some other stuff not so good either. I even taste blood. Frak!
Joey goes down almost immediately, and goes down hard. He doesn’t look so good. Charlie not so lucky with these tk-ninja-like zombies, well, I ain’t haven’t much luck shooting them either. Thanks god Guy has that Green Lantern power-spell thingie. That takes another down, minus its legs. It isn’t pretty but in the end, we get them all. But Joey needs some serious medical attention and I need some codeine. Good thing there is a loony-bin hospital up there. So last search of hole and I discovered a ring-sized box made of lead. WTF? Kryptonite maybe? Goes into pocket along with journal and out we go.
Okay, so I shoulda known small lead box = something very bad. I get to the Elder Seal and blammo, visions galore emanate from that damn box straight into my head! Let’s see, I get: Open Ocean, dark expanding void like nuclear explosion, spider with head of a young girl playing a violin, mental patients with clubs tearing an asylum apart, and a person approaching doctors with a flame thrower. And inside the box you ask? A strange crystal that reeks of evil power. So of course we keep it.
Ours is not to reason why, but to simply do and die. So we continue with the box in pocket and get help at the mad pavilion. Yep, the old doc is curious about brain in the jar, not so sure about zombie story, and gives me lots of codeine. So we will rest up here.
Guy takes the discovered records and I take a crack at the cipher journal. Dunno, maybe it was the codeine but as soon as I crack it, the damn words unscramble and we can all read it. It is Gertrude’s journal. We also realize there is something hidden under the museum.
So next morning we head back to museum, Joey is still down for the count so it is probably a bad idea. Oh well. I had no nightmares again so I actually feel damn good this morning. And I had pancakes for breakfast. Yum. So we distract the loony pirate (BTW, he is probably a wax critter made by Gertrude but doesn’t remember anything) and break our way down into one seriously modern looking lab. Straight out of a Michael bay movie. Wow!
And what do we spy? Well, our old boss on a table prepped for surgery and our missing hospital patient with the bad leg (I shot it BTW). Oh yeah, and a giant vat of liquid-hot wax guarded by 4 wax pirates.
Okay, remember how tough that zombie fight was? This shit-storm was 10 times worse. I really thought we were gonna die. Guy gets kicked in the nards by something invisible, Charlie goes medieval on a wax pirate…and it just smiles. Crap on a stick! So Charlie is holding two pirates at bay, Guy doing better with his, he did his Green Lantern thing and conjured a cutlass, cool! His magic cuts through these things like butter.
But I am prepared; I learned from all the other weird crap that fire is good. So out comes my can of travel hairspray and I flamethrower my pirate. He goes down in melting goo. I tag Guy’s as well. He is going to help Charlie. Remember I mentioned invisible right? Well, I was alert for it dammit! With puddles of hot wax and smoke I get a quick bead on it before it charges. I fire 2-shots damn near point-blank…and it barely slows it as it cuts me with something. It is invisible, how in the hell am I supposed to tell you what it is?
So it moves in again and I surprise it, and me, by grabbing the damn thing and holding tight. Oops, it is a she…I just grabbed some naughty bits. The dynamic duo have felled the remaining pirates and race to assist me. Charlie hulks out, grabs the head and rips it off. Except, that isn’t the way it happened. Well, the ripping off part I mean. He gave it a helluva tug but nope, this thing is tough. And to prove it, it breaks free of me easily and we lose it again. Screw this! I just flamethrow away and wadya know I hit her! So now crispy Gertrude appears and we continue the fight. Everyone gets in some good licks and I get a nice head-shot as well. She goes down hard in a flaming goo pile. I make a mad grab for stuff, maybe a clue or two.
So I managed to grab a Smartgun. Cool. Now we just have to grab the bodies and get out of here…